I would add that true emotional maturity must surely happen at a variety of different ages. I think a lot of it depends on your experiences in youth and how many past lives you lived (yes, I believe that).

Thanks for this very interesting post. It has certainly given me something to think about.

If this is a midlife crisis…

It is NOT a midlife crisis. Alright? You got that??
I’ve had similar thoughts myself. Putting aside that, taking it literally, I have no plans to be dead by 70, I think more likely it’s possibly that 35-40 is the point where you finally near your peak of emotional maturity. Couple that with 20-25 years of adult-level reading and experiences and it’s perhaps no wonder at this age we’re all a bit confused as to our life’s ‘purpose’. We’ve grown up being told anything is possible, and that we’re all going to be this great success, and we’re constantly bombarded by images of ‘the rich and famous’, that it’s easy to feel both over- and underwhelmed by your relative ‘worth’.

I’m not saying at all that it’s all about money - just that to some degree we measure ourselves by our success. I mean, growing up, I always just assumed I’d have it all by the time I was 35. When that birthday came and went, with no real changes, I was like: “Huh? Now what?”

‘Now what?’, of course, being that kind of question where the answer is always just out of reach.

Sheamus

My pleasure,
Crystal

Thanks for stopping by, and the nice comments.

I’m slightly ( ) on the wrong side of the dreaded ‘middle 30s’ myself and your remark makes me wonder if this may well be a common point where many of us start to think about the choices we have made and the places we are going. I’m not sure how one would go about accurately surveying that but instincts tell me it might be true.

It’s a great thing that you’ve found work that you enjoy. I absolutely believe that’s a bit part of self-fulfillment, and therefore happiness. As they say, everybody wants to get paid to do what they love. Now I just have to figure out what that is!

Thanks again for your thoughts,
Sheamus

Great, great post. I got here by your follow on Twitter, and am very glad I did!

What living well means for me has changed plenty since my 20s, but is much the same at 39 as it was at 30. However, it was quite different in my middle 30’s when I was totally off track.

I’ll be thinking on your post today (and beyond, I’m sure!), and also on what working well means…especially since I’ve “found my own work”, like Twain talked about. Now that I’ve FOUND the right work, I’d best DO it right
Many thanks, I’m looking forward to whatever you’ve got coming next…

I think your very personal example supports and possibly answers a point I flirted with above: that while perhaps living a selfish existence is not the right path to a life that will be judged as having been lived well (clearly by outsiders), sacrificing your own goals and dreams to appease others is absolutely not, in my opinion, a progressive way forward.

Additionally, I believe that two people doing what makes them happy cannot truly be considered as selfish. I would argue that if throughout your life you made one other person happy - and they you - then that would certainly be a life well-lived.

Thanks for your thoughts,
Sheamus

Let me share a story. My boyfriend and I are planning on a lifetime of unmarried commitment. We’ve been together nearly 8 years and have no plans to get married. Children are probably not in the cards either, but that could conceivably change. This partnership/commitment is one of our definitions of living well.

I’m 30, my boyfriend is 34. We’ve noticed that over time, support among our friends and family for our chosen lifestyle has mutated. The unsaid perception is that our arrangement might have been fine for a phase that we went through in our 20s, but now it’s time to buck up and get real. So although our definition of living well was fine for a certain time in our lives, perhaps our friends and family have come to view it as inherently selfish, and selfishness is not something tolerated as we grow older. Do we alter our thoughts on what living well means according to external pressures? Or do we continue to do what’s right for us, and potentially be branded as selfish/unrealistic in the process?

No answers here, as there are intentionally none in your post as well. But just one way in which the thoughts and ideas you discuss are very important, and very real in each of our lives.

Thanks, Sheamus, for the post and the blog.