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In Fight Club (1996, Palahniuk, 1999, Fincher), the narrator, after losing “a lot of versatile solutions for modern living” when he comes home from a business trip to find his apartment has been blown up, calls and meets with new, single-serving friend Tyler Durden at a nearby bar.
The two share some alcohol and some revelations, and after Tyler agrees to letting the narrator stay at his place overnight, this exchange follows:
Tyler Durden: I want you to do me a favour.
Narrator: Yeah, sure…
Tyler Durden: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
Narrator: What?… in the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid. Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: C’mon, do me this one favour.
Narrator: Why?
Tyler Durden: Why? I don’t know why; I don’t know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator: No, but that’s a good thing.
Tyler Durden: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself, you’ve never been in a fight? I don’t wanna die without any scars.
Read that last part again - I don’t want to die without any scars. (In the book: “I don’t want to die without a few scars.”) That is the single most-important part of this scene, and ultimately one of the main points of the entire story. And while in this immediate context it was predominately meant to be taken quite literally - i.e., the physical - it can (and should) equally apply to your mental wellbeing (and that of Tyler’s).
Indeed, given that the ramifications and healing process involved with any kind of physical damage take place inside as well as out, one could argue that in all situations involving a scar, the impact is most felt on an emotional level. Inside of you, in an area that only you can not only feel, but see.
I don’t want to die without any scars.
What does it mean? Taken literally, Tyler is telling the Narrator that going through life absolutely avoiding any and all possible physical confrontation leaves a man short of being complete. How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight? How much indeed; in a situation like that one is forced to call upon all of your resources and reserves and at that moment the end result, the outcome, can be enormously telling.
It is important to note that this scene, and this statement is not suggesting to us that for a man to be ‘a man’, he must fight. That he must be a fighter. It is simply stating that if one has never been in a fight, you can not, and will not ever fully know yourself. By simple process of elimination this must be true - at the very least, if one has not been in a fight, one can not possibly know how one would operate under those conditions, should they arise. Hence, that part of your knowledge, of your make-up, is missing. You are incomplete.
Metaphysically, one can analyse this significantly deeper. As stated above, the impact of being involved in a fight, of being hurt or possibly being scarred, goes far beyond the physical. Mentally, and emotionally - even (and often) spiritually - pain and damage take us to new places. The ‘healing process’, in and of itself, would not function if both of these elements, physical and mental, were to operate in tandem. It would fail. You would not heal. More importantly, you would not learn.
Additionally, one can apply this logic to situations or encounters that are not in any way physical, but entirely mental. How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never had a heated argument with your partner? Or your parents? Or your boss? Or a co-worker, friend or sibling?
Specifically, how much did you learn when you ultimately turned out to be wrong? And then had to deal with that consequence?
Rarely do we achieve anything by taking the easy path. Moreover, one learns next to nothing by always winning, or always being right or being perceived as such (by one’s self or others). We learn from failure. We learn when we were wrong.
We learn when we lose.
Walking through life intentionally and carefully avoiding any and all forms of conflict - physical, mental or spiritual - means that you have failed. That you are, inherently, worthless.
How much can you possibly know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?
Its a good point that you make. Fear of getting hurt or failure can be crippling and this is true in every aspect of life. To be sure, your career will fall flat if you never venture out of your comfort zones because your success is less-than-certain. You must take risks in order to overcome stagnation and be progressive.
One of my favorite movie lines of all times is from Tom Hanks (as Jimmy Dugan) in A League of Their Own: “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”
Absolutely. I forwarded this article to a few of the social media sites and got a bit of stick about my use of the term ‘inherently worthless’. It’s probably a poor choice of words, but my point was simply that if you go out of your way to avoid conflict - if you never experience any kind of confrontation - how can you possibly be doing anything worthwhile?
Often a great gauge of how significant something might be is, ironically, how many people it initially upsets.
If nobody objects to anything you say, my guess is you aren’t saying anything.