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“I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai.” - Orson Welles
“Upon shaving off one’s beard, the scissors cut the long-grown hair, the razor scrapes the remnant fuzz. Small-jawed, weak-chinned, bug-eyed, I stare at the forgotten boy I was.” - John Updike
“There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard.” - Jean Cocteau
“There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless - boys and women - and I am neither one.” - Greek saying
Here’s the thing - I have the big job interview one week from today. It’s a job I really want. A huge opportunity for me, as I’ve been trying to break into this niche market for years.
Here’s the other thing - currently I’m sporting no-less than a full-on beard. Think an uglier Brad Pitt during preparations for his role in The Fountain (before he pulled out), and you’ll be somewhere in the right ballpark.
I like myself with a beard. Dare I say it - I look good with a beard. A lot of men do. That is, those that can actually grow them. Really - I’m very distinguished.
It’s not something I actively planned. Over a week or two, it just kind of happened. Laziness plays a small part, of course, but apart from on the hottest of hot days, wearing a beard is pretty darn comfortable. It hasn’t even put me off my running.
I know, I know - for some people, facial hair is not only unnecessary, it’s downright evil. Indeed, many truly bad people in the history of the world have chosen to sport a fine sprouting of facial fuzz to underline their all-around wickedness - Stalin, Hitler, Rasputin, Bin Laden, Saddam Hussain, Papa Smurf. Even the Devil is usually depicted with a carefully-groomed goatee. The list goes on and on. When you think about it, it’s hard to find an evil person who does shave.
Hitler is the trump card in this deck. You can ruin anybody by drawing a Hitler moustache on their photo. Try it. Even your mother will suddenly appear to have a masterplan.
Sometimes, facial hair is used by writers of movies and television shows as a plot device to show us that a character is not to be trusted, or is potentially corrupt. Worse, the transition of a man from smooth to unshaven is often seen as a sign of that individual’s fall from grace - even in real life. Remember when Mel Gibson got drunk and went temporarily insane with anti-Semitism? The alcohol had nothing to do with it. It was because he had grown a beard.
Michael Jackson: 1980s, clean-shaven, huge star. 2000s, evil goatee, public enemy number one.
And in Superman III, how did we know when Kal-El, poisoned as he was on a heady mix of kryptonite and tar, had reached his lowest point? That’s right - when he suddenly stopped shaving. (And reached for the Grecian 2000.)
And you can ice this cake with two all-powerful words: Spock Beard.
The thing is, when you really analyse the above, with one or two notable exceptions (Rasputin always ruins every poll), most of these bad boys don’t have beards at all. They have goatees, or moustaches. Moustaches are always a sign of wrong-doing. There’s literally no exception. Even Tom Selleck will slit your throat if you look at him funny.
The truth is, for a lot of people, beards are not a sign of evil at all - they’re a sign of wisdom.
Obi-Wan Kenobi. Dumbledore. Gandalf. Al Gore. Charles Darwin. Steven Spielberg. Socrates. Will Riker. Will Shakespeare. Dr Teeth from The Muppets. Two-thirds of ZZ Top. All wise and respected by all and sundry. Indeed, it was only after Obi-Wan decided to stop shaving that he went from being headstrong and cocky to a true master of the Force. The exact same thing happened to Steve Jobs. Wiser readers will observe that Bill Gates has clearly never picked up a razor his entire life.
Moreover, catch them off-season, between films and projects, and nearly all the top male celebrities will be sporting beards, too. Brad Pitt always has one in between films, as does George Clooney, Keifer Sutherland and Daniel Craig.
And if it’s good enough for Jack Bauer and James Bond, why isn’t it good enough for my would-be employer?
Here’s what the experts will tell you: first impressions count. If I waltz into that interview room next week with the beard I’m wearing now (plus one additional week of growth), my only chance of a future with that firm is if they also happen to be looking for a new janitor.
And the madness about all this is the job I’m after is in IT. Legend has it that the early UNIX motherboards were held together with carefully trimmed whiskers. It doesn’t matter. Despite the fact that Silicon Valley was built on beards, turn up with one at your interview and chances are the only working you’ll be doing in the future is on your appearance.
It’s clearly all very unfair. Am I being punished simply because everybody else wants to please ‘the man’ and have a face as smooth as a babe’s behind? I mean, fuzz aside, the rest of me is dressed to the nines. Look beyond the bristles, people! There’s a man in here.
I mean, right, worst-case scenario: what if I shave this off and then it turns out the guy interviewing me has a beard. Then what? I mean, I’ve actually insulted him, haven’t I? And he’ll know it, too. Beardies have special powers.
Or what if I go into that room with no facial hair at all. Does that then bind me to the clean-shaven look for the rest of my employment? Say I get the job and immediately start growing it all back. Is my employer going to think that I somehow tricked them into hiring me? We’d never have let him into the building if we’d have known that was coming.
What if I don’t shave and they say to me that the job is yours - if you get rid of the beard. Is that even legal? Could it be part of my contract? Should it?
And what if I do shave, but still don’t get the job? That’s a double-whammy that nobody wants. I’ll be unemployed and clean-shaven. That’s practically against the law.
And it’s not as if I can really find some kind of safe compromise. We’ve already determined that goatees and moustaches are the defining symbol of all that is evil. If I trim the beard right down, I’ll either look like Faith-era George Michael or somebody that simply couldn’t be bothered to get rid of the stubble. Yes, that’s how much this interview means to me, sunshine - what are you going to do about it?
It’s all or nothing. Beard, or not.
I have six days to make a decision. I mean, it’s possible that this beard could cost me this job. But if I shave it off, the possibility of this job is costing me my beard.
Right now, for the life of me I can’t decide which is more important.
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I interview many people in my job, and I think that if the beard is neat and trimmed, I wouldn’t even think about it. If it’s shaggy, though, you would be starting with a handicap. Of course, I’m shallow.
*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*, well put my friend. I have just recently joined an IT help desk and forced myself to shave off my beautiful beard to look “representable” in the eyes of the white collar working class! I am very proud of the beard and am not proud of the reputation is carries. Turns out in the new employee manual beards are accecptable but not encourged AKA don’t wear a beard! Well since me living a standard life with a job that provides me money to combat the harsh economic situation (OIL PRICES) outweighs my beard growing hobby I have figured out ways to grow as much as possible on the weekend! First I never do a proper clean shave, so the people at work only know me to have a shadow! which is acceptable. Currently on fridays I won’t shave so the growth process is accelerated for the weekend (this is until anyone mentions anything to me). During the weekend voila! a semi-beard! I am thinking when I get more familiar with the staff I can grow a full beard and go against that damn manual and it’s negative views of a lucious beard. Anyways I am typing this during my working hours and it is a friday so the growth process has begun! Long live the beard and respectable bearded people!
As an on-again, off-again bearded-one myself, I can only suggest the middle road: neatly trimmed.
I know it’s nice and all, having that luxuriant flowing mane, but if it’s too bushy you just look unkempt. It’s the unkempt ones you can’t trust; sooner or later they get all BOFH on you.
I suggest trimming it back. Not back to stubble, but all one length. It’ll look a lot nicer. Hell, you may even want to plunk down for mustache wax if there are some funny swirls that need taming.
@ Todd - Trimming it down is definitely an option, but there’s that very fine line between a neat beard and looking like a total ponce. I may have to place my trust in the hands of one of our finer local barbers.
@ Ken - Well said sir! Indeed, your path is the one I usually follow. I’m never completely clean shaven, almost leaving some element of stubble remaining. I can grow a pretty respectable beard back within a fortnight so that might have to be my cunning plan.
@ WhyCause - Yes, you’re right - it’s far too risky to venture into new waters looking unkempt and wild. It’ll appear as if I’ve staggered from out of the mountains. Trimming it back seems to be the wisest (and fairest) solution here.
That said - I firmly draw the line at any kind of wax. Or, for that matter, grooming comb.
Cheers for your thoughts guys.
As a “beardy” myself - although its a half arsed, one likes to also think stylish, goatee (as you well know mate) here are my two pennies worth.
Firstly do you really want to work for a company that employs people based on whether they have a beard or not? If they’re going to be that particular about “who you are” then you need to have a proper think about what else you’re prepared to put up with.
I completely agree with Todd though, it is an interview and you need to show you’re dependable and organised. The general perception is a neat beard is nothing to be ashamed with.
Secondly its been really sunny recently, if you have a thick beard you’re not going to have a suntan underneath your beard, yes yes it sounds trivial but trust me you will look like a total numpty with a nice sun tanned face with a massive white patch where your beard used to reside.
Whatever you decide, the sooner you do something the better so you have a few days of grow back just in-case you’re not happy with the results.
Best of luck with the interview!
I would just trim it up.
I shaved my beard off for this job that I have now for the interview. And grew it back in 2 weeks.
Looking back, I wish i hadn’t. If it’s clean and nice, then it should be of no real worry…
Or just shave it off, and go in with some rad pork chops?
Being female and young enough that I’m not growing those weird whiskers that my dear old Nanny has (I do pluck them for her incidentally) I can’t relate 100%; however I do have rather an odd haircut. (It’s grade one at the back and undercut but jaw length at the front, well jaw length on one side anyways…)
The point being, since I hit 20 and decided that long hair wasn’t for me anymore, I’ve had a variety of unusual haircuts. That said I’ve never looked out and out punky, untidy or unprofessional, and as a result I’ve never had any issues in job interviews.
I’d therefore suggest that as long as you look presentable, then having a beard shouldn’t make a difference.
Good luck with the interview
@ Garth
“Firstly do you really want to work for a company that employs people based on whether they have a beard or not?”
It’s funny - I’ve been discussing the thoughts in this article at a few other places and the line you’ve delivered there has been paraphrased by many others but it just always makes me chuckle. I mean, it’s just the idea that the firm would have some kind of written ‘anti-beard’ policy that I’m finding highly amusing!
You’re right though, of course. Problem is it still comes down to deciding whether it’s worth the risk. I’ve exchanged several emails with my interviewer and he’s mentioned the company is fairly casual but that’s one of those cunningly vague terms that means different things to different people.
@ Rusty - I’ve actually considered boldly strolling in with the ‘rad pork chops’, four-day stubble and Murphy’s Law style handlebar-moustache. And maybe a leather jacket. Possibly with YMCA playing on my mobile. With that kind of ‘tude, how could they possibly say ‘no’?
@ Hannah - I think you’ve basically hit the nail on the old head. Or, at least, your statement that, because you’ve never looked untidy or professional then your haircut really shouldn’t matter, should be how it works. Unfortunately, I’m not convinced it really does, certainly in a lot of the white collar job market. The beard shouldn’t make a difference - I think any rational person would have to agree with that, at least in principle - but I have a sneaking suspicion with a lot of folk it really does.
On a side note, while I’m pleased you don’t have whiskers, for the life of me I can’t picture your haircut!
Thanks for the well-wishes all.
I have worn a goatee for the last 10 years. I keep it neatly trimmed (when I am not being lazy), and I have worn it to just about every important job interview in my life.
And several of the people who were conducting the interviews had similar facial hair. So who knows? Maybe it helped me build rapport.
It certainly performed its primary function of making me not look like a 14 year old. So trim yourself up a nice Spock Beard and go get that job!
Hi Chris
You might be on to something about the rapport. As I said above, part of me suspects if I shave it all off, I’ll probably end up being interviewed by Dave Lee Travis.
It really is a no-win situation. Of course, if I get the job, I suppose nothing else really matters.
And if I went for the Spock Beard, if it starts going pear-shaped I could always use the Vulcan death-grip to my advantage.
Cheers for your thoughts,
Sheamus
I always shave, takes me about 5 years to grow anything that resembles a bit of fluff lol!
If I was interviewing someone I wouldn’t take much notice if they had a nicely trimmed beard but if they looked like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo then it would be a different story…
In my previous employment there was a woman who is a LEGEND, because she came dressed very conservatively and looking ‘normal’ for the interview (She is a teacher.) and a week after securing the job, she shaved her head for a protest march! It took a very long time to grow back, but her class (5 year-olds) thought it was the coolest thing ever. Even the boss still refers to the occurrence quite fondly.
Perhaps you could be a beardy legend. “He looked NOTHING LIKE THAT at the interview. Amazing, isn’t it?!”
I too once had a beard crisis - my question to shave or not to shave wrapped up in a conundrum involving rock-n-roll history, my astrological calendar and an imaginary girlfriend from the 60’s. What a summer. I wrote about it, too: http://www.themarvelouscollective.com/?p=112
Good luck with the decision. This is a great post.
Hi Marv
That’s a great read!
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of Billy Corgan with facial hair before.
Alas, I think I’ve been going through, or I’m about to embark on my own Saturn Return. Thankfully, while I have the beard, I’m no longer pudgy, so maybe there’s hope for me yet.
Cheers for your post,
Sheamus
I’ve been sporting a moustache & goatee for abuot 4 & 1/2 years now. The moustache part grows at a snail’s pace, so I’ve never shaved it completely off since first deciding to grow it. And for the first month, I’m sure I just looked like somebody who’d forgotten to wipe his lip.
The goatee part grows quickly - especially the under-chin portions, so I have tried growing that into a full beard a few times and then buzzed it back down. With triple-digits Summer days almost upon us, I went back from beard to goatee several weeks ago and will probably stick with that for several months.
Anyway, I like having the ’stache and goatee. The goatee makes my saggy jawline seem a bit more defined, but I can’t do the “goatee without a moustache” look. Trendy as it may be, it just doesn’t look ‘right’ to me. So, since I’d have so much trouble growing the moustache back, I simply refuse to be gone with it. I am mindful to keep all of my visible hair neatly trimmed and kept. I believe that makes a big difference in how you’re perceived.
For the sake of full disclosure, I do have to admit that vanity started getting the better of me a few months ago and I started plucking out the really obvious white-grey hairs that we’re infesting my goatee. That “salt & pepper” thing may be distictive, but I’m just not ready to go there…
Likewise, Rob - I’ve developed, to my slight alarm, a few grey hairs in my own beard this year. It doesn’t really bother me all that much but I’m not quite 37 yet and it’s a little bit of a wake-up call!
Incidentally, y’all - I decided to visit a not inexpensive barber a couple of days ago and got everything trimmed down to a 1.5 grade. It looks a lot better - certainly a lot slicker - and whereas it’s not going to get me the job in and of itself, it shouldn’t stop me getting it, either.
Wish me luck for the interview guys - it’s coming up in four hours!
Good luck with the interview - let us know how you get on
Hi Hannah
It went very well, thanks - actually, really well.
It’s a great company and a fantastic opportunity. The position is essentially an ‘SEO executive’ and I’d be working closely with Google Europe, which is obviously very exciting.
I’d really like the job. I think I could be an asset to the firm and I think that hopefully came across in the interview. I babbled a bit, and ran off at many tangents, which I’m prone to do when I’m enthusiastic about something, but hopefully it wasn’t too bad.
I won’t hear anything for a couple of weeks as they’ve still got more people to see. I’m quietly hopeful.
Good thoughts from all would be appreciated. Fingers crossed, and all that.
Cheers,
Sheamus
Cool, glad to hear it went well
Am crossing everything including my eyes…
Thanks!
Well guys, I didn’t get the job. My would-be employer was kind enough to tell me specifically why, and they didn’t mention anything about my beard, damn fine and trimmed down as it was.
However, I shall always wonder…
Oh well - onward and upward!
Hey Seamus,
Sorry to hear you didn’t get the job - stay positive though, I’m sure something else will come along
Thanks Hannah.
Actually, things were great until you totally misspelled my name; suddenly I’m feeling rejected and unsure of myself.
I’m sure something will come along, as you say!
I’m sorry, I was having a bit of a ditzy day…
Notice I’ve not even attempted your name just in case I add insult to injury
Thanks for the Help I was just wondering if i should shave. I have an Interview and I’m Worried about the same thing, but now i have made up my mind. The Beard Stays