I am Sheamus - Very Personal Development

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This is a guest post written by my wife. You can read more at her blog, Leanne Bennett dot com.

I am definitely an Internet Widow. But I knew that when my husband and I got together. You see, we met over the Internet. Before that was cheesey. Before it was embarrasing. Really, before there was hardly even an Internet!

We used to chat for literally hours. With the time difference it’s amazing we managed it, but we built a lasting relationship over several years. Then we decided to meet in person, we fell in love, and the rest is history.

BUT, all those hours on the Internet don’t just drop away once they’re established. He still spends hours on the Internet. Not chatting anymore but reading, watching video clips and blogging.

And me? I like the Internet, and I still use it a lot, but I’m not like he is. For me it’s about goals. I use the Internet to find definitions and spellings for words I don’t recall, look up information about people and things I’m interested, get directions to a new place, write about stuff that happens, that sort of thing. I don’t find the Internet entertaining just for its own sake. And there’s a limit to how much time I want to spend on it now. In fact, we now have a running joke based on the first time my husband pointed out the differences in our Internet usage: He was doing his usual surfing when I said I was going onto the Internet on our other computer. After reading all that I wanted to, I closed everything down.

Him: I thought you were reading on the Internet.
Me: I was. I’m finished with that.
Him: You finished the whole Internet in 30 minutes?!

Over the years of me being done with the Internet quickly, but him being on it for hours, I have learned some very useful coping skills. And I now want to share these with other Internet Widows facing life talking to the back or side of someone’s head as that person mumbles “Mmm hhmm” every now and then while his eyes never leave the screen. If this is you, then read on.

Things to remember about the compulsive Internet surfer:

1) Be aware that he actually does believe that he has “only been on for a few minutes” and just needs to “look one thing up”.

He doesn’t intend to spend hours reading online. But when he looks up one thing on Wikipedia, or checks one thing on IMDB, they have all those links there. And he either follows them, or something else pops into his head, and he opens another tab, or another window (if you’re pre-Firefox or -IE7), and he’s off. He honestly doesn’t realise that you’ve been waiting for him to come help you shift the bedroom furniture for 45 minutes. Truly.

2) The Internet really is his favourite thing.

For him, it’s better than books, television, sporting activities, it might even top eating sometimes. (depending on what food’s on offer, and let’s face it, you can eat and read at the same time!) Plus he can read about all the stuff he’s not doing, or even do some of it online. With Iplayer, you can watch TV. You can go to the BBC website and check sporting events, which are updated constantly! You can do your favourite thing and still keep up with everything else!

3) The Internet is the source of all information.

Just ask him — printed books and directories are outdated. Maps become inaccurate. Medical advice changes. Anything that has been done has been documented online. And hey, maybe he’s right. I definitely go there for my information; I just don’t have to stay all day to read it!

And being tolerant, accepting and understanding of his Internet focus can work for you as well.

Here’s how you can help yourself:

a) Be sure to convey all bad news while he is at the computer.

This is a guest post written by my wife. You can read more at her blog.

Tell him about your overspending, plans to have dinner with that boring couple, trips to your mother’s house for the weekend, etc, while he is online. After all, he won’t hear you, and when you later bring it up again you then have the out of saying “But I told you! Remember? You were on the Internet and I said…”

b) Look upon this as ‘me time’ for you.

Hey, he’s only reading right? So if you go take a bubble bath, go out for a run, take a drive, do anything that ties you up physically, HE has to stop and look after the kids whenever they need something. YOU can’t do it, because you are wet/out of the house/whatever. Excellent!

c) Realise that he will be happier if he gets his Internet time in.

Keeping him happy should loop back to help you. If he’s had his Internet time he’s likely to be less cranky, and therefore things will be better between you. PLUS, if you can work in just a tiny, unoffensive reminder of actually how long he’s been on the computer, you may be able to extract enough guilt to get other things to go your way. “Surely we can go shopping for a couple of hours. I mean, you have been on the computer all morning.”

So there you go, Internet Widows. See? It’s not nearly as bad as you think!